When the pain is still so fresh, you get afraid of one thing: seeing yourself still picking up the pieces of your heart while those who hurt you are already forming relationships. You fear the jealousy you might feel while they are happy without you and while you are wishing your world would end due to the extremity of the impalpable pain that you couldn’t bear at its existing moments. Sometimes you won’t figure out a way out of the misery that people put you in until you break even more in front of your Rabb in the depth of the night, taking refuge in Him, begging Him to heal you, begging Him to grant you hidaya so you wouldn’t make bad du’as for people. Wallahul musta’an. I remember from a clip of Shaykh Raslan حفظه الله where he said, “There is no door to Allah تبارك و تعالى than the door of brokenness. The widest of doors through which you can enter upon your Rabb سبحانه و تعالى is the door of humility and submission before the Most High, the Forgiving.” And indeed, with submission to Allah, with seeking forgiveness in the state of your brokenness blooms a tawfiq that you never expected you would have. The sab’r that Allah puts in your heart anesthetizes every trigger that comes whenever you remember what happened. And when he puts forgiveness in your heart, it slowly creeps into your system that your anger is swiped away by it, and your belief in qadar makes you accept and embrace all that took place—beautiful or not. Subhanallahil Adhim.