A Simple Guide on How to Stop Bothering Your Sister-in-Law (Arewa Edition) ⚠️ Especially for those of us that are ‘yan uwa (siblings) and feel too entitled: Accept that your brother is not your property. He’s not a crown you own, he’s a grown man with his own family now. Stop acting like your brother is the most perfect man on earth. Wallahi, he has flaws like everyone else. His love, time and attention will now be shared—he has a wife, and possibly kids. That’s part of life and it’s okay. Stop being jealous of the joy Allah has blessed him with. Your own happiness is written for you—look inward and embrace it. Don’t act like someone robbed you. Don’t involve yourself in his marital issues. If he’s old enough to marry and raise a family, he’s old enough to solve his problems. Stay out of it. Don’t compare your husband to your brother. What your husband doesn’t do isn’t your brother’s concern. Appreciate your husband’s efforts, even if small. Gratitude invites barakah. If either your brother or his wife brings you their problems, direct them to a counsellor or a trusted elder. Don’t take sides or get emotionally entangled—they’ll make up later and you’ll become the ‘bad person’ in their story. Never disrespect your brother in front of his wife. Even if your sibling relationship includes teasing or roasting, do it privately—not with spectators. Focus on your own goals—finances, health, growth. Your brother will disappoint you one day if you depend on him. Human beings are not Allah. Rely only on Him. Don’t interfere in parenting. You’re the aunt, not the mother. Be the fun aunty. Stay out of the serious parts like discipline, choices, and routines. Even if you disagree—make silent dua and let it go. If your mother speaks ill of your sister-in-law, stop her. Don't stir her emotions with your own grudges. Let your brother’s home be peaceful. Let your mother focus on her role, not become a weapon. Stay in your lane. Your career, your ibadah, your mental health—these are your priorities. Let two adults manage their home. Don’t give advice unless asked. And even if asked, stay humble: “Allah knows best, but this is my own little opinion.” Or you can simply say, “I don’t know, maybe ask someone older or do istikhara.” Don’t tell your sister-in-law anything you wouldn’t want your brother to hear. She should share things with her husband—that’s what spouses do. Don’t put her in that awkward position. Love your sister-in-law for the sake of Allah. Maintain boundaries, be supportive, but never at the expense of your peace or health. Ignore her toxic traits and focus on her good. If being close is too hard, keep it cordial. Smile, give salaams, exchange gifts during Eid—revive the sunnah and keep your heart clean. Don’t expect her to treat your brother the way you do. If she calls him casually, teases him, or jokes—mind your business. That’s their love language. Let them be. Don’t judge her parents or family background. Respect her elders as you’d want yours to be respected. Islam teaches hormat ga manya—respect your elders. If your own marital life is hard, don’t take it out on her. If you’re dealing with a difficult husband or in-laws while she’s treated well—don’t ignite fires of envy. Work on your own life, or leave a toxic marriage. Don’t ruin someone else’s. Don’t assume her life is rosy. Everyone has trials. Her smiles may hide deep struggles. Allah tests each of us in different ways. Stop micromanaging her lifestyle. Her clothes, her friends, how she spends money, how she cleans her home—that’s between her and her husband. You are not her Lord. Face your own flaws. Remember: You didn’t get him married to fight for your attention. He’s a husband and maybe a father now. Let him thrive in that role. Support with prayers, not pressure. Accept that your bond with your brother has changed. His love is still there, but his duties have multiplied. See his efforts, not his shortcomings. Mind your business. Pray for him. Be proud of him. Be a source of joy and not a burden. Life is short. Don’t waste it on hate and bitterness. Important: I say this as a Yar Uwa da ta san darajar zaman lafiya! May Allah make us a source of khayr and not fitnah in our families. Ameen. May Allah bless our homes with love, understanding and patience. Ameen.