"Survival 34" "Forgive yourself." Me: "Oke, drive carefully. Stop speeding." Chima: "What do you mean? Is it because your mother is dead?" Me: "We need to get to the hospital alive, and not dead." Chima: "Oke, drive carefully. It's too fast, ooo. I don't want to die yet." He was driving so fast I almost threw up and my heart was pounding. We got to the hospital and ran straight to the room. The doctor was standing there and wanted to cover her face. Dr.: "I think it's an overdose." Oke: "So, which nurse is responsible?" Dr.: "That's the issue. The nurse responsible was not a staff member here. Some people said they saw him enter and leave." Oke: "What? Such rubbish! They said they saw him enter and leave? My dear doctor, get ready for lawsuits. I know how much I paid this morning for hospital bills, and you can't provide security." Dr.: "My son, take it easy. We have called the police." Chima: "Police won't save you. We will sue you." Me: "Come here." Oke fell on my shoulders and cried like a baby. Chima was crying; he practically sat on the floor and cried before the male nurse saw him and ran to comfort him. After a while, we saw them move her to the morgue, and we left. I drove gently because I was no expert, and it was night. Neither of them were in a state that would let them drive, and the nurse guy followed us. I drove to the old mansion, but they wouldn't get down from the car, so I drove to the Engr's house. They got down and all went to our small room in the boy's quarters. Engr. Van: "You guys couldn't stay in that house, right?" Me: "Yeah. We should have left it for him." Engr. Van: "No way, that's wrong. What's yours is yours." Me: "You know someone killed her, right?" Engr. Van: "We all know who killed her.” Me: "She was the next closest person to be my mum." I sat closer to him and rested on his body. Engr. Van: "You still have me." Me: "Yes, I do, but the doctor has more of you." Engr. Van: "Oya, stand up and go comfort your brothers." Me: "😂😂😂😂😂 Na only one will be my brother there ooo." Engr. Van: "The other one is your what now?" Me: "My enemy turned into a crush." Engr. Van: "Ahh, wahala! This one don't end up sleeping with everyone ooooo." Me: "Provided I don't get any diseases, that's what I will do." Engr. Van: "My brother is coming tomorrow. Don't make the house too sexual for him." Me: "Alright, got that. So, no teasing you or romancing you in front of him." Engr. Van: "🤣🤣🤣 Ahhh, this boy, someone just died today." Me: "Listen, I am used to people dying. Lost my dad and mum, so I know, right? And the worst part is that they were all killed by the same person." Oke just walked into the sitting room. Oke: "This is where you are cuddling with him, and my mum is barely cold, and all you can do is blame my father?" Me: "Your father???? Listen—" Oke: "I am not listening to anything. Take your car keys and your house keys. Keep everything; that's the only important thing to you. My mother just died." Me: "Oke, relax, let me explain." Oke: "Get out! Don't touch me!" Me: "Wait, what's wrong with you?" I ran to meet him. He pushed me away. Chima came up too. Chima: "Bad things started happening to our family the moment you arrived." Me: "Eh, me? Chima, you were apologizing to me in the car ooooo." Chima: "You are the devil that came to destroy us." Engr. Van: "Okay, that's enough. Get out, both of you." They both left. I started crying. Me: "I didn't do anything." Engr. Van: "It's okay. You suffered the most. They are just angry. They just lost their mom, so they will find who to blame. I am very sure when Oke gets better, he will look for you." "Do you remember you ran mad and naked on the road when you lost your mother??? So that's what they are going through mentally." Me: "I drove here. How will they go that far, and where will they go?" Engr. Van: "Just relax, everything will be fine." I rested back on his body. Engr. Van: "You don't need to be my houseboy anymore, you know, right?" Me: "You bargained with me till I graduated. What do you want? You want me to go live in that mansion all by myself?? So that I will get robbed or killed?" Engr. Van: "Okay, no issue." Me: "You just want to send me away so you can f*** the barrister." Engr. Van: "Ahhh 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 you and your bad mouth." Me: "I am saying the truth, na. Tell who bottom?" Engr. Van: "Who do you think?" Me: "🤔 I think you both bottomed." Engr. Van: "Ahhh, you this boy, why did you say that?" Me: "I mean, he has kids and looks manly, but he would like to try topping, and you are a bottom who never stopped. Also, because of your status, you want to try it all the same. Maybe you guys just enjoyed each other." Engr. Van: "On the contrary, you are right." Me: "So, how was it after all those years?" Engr. Van: "Painful, as usual." Me: "😂😂 Are you sure? Should I try? I am very small ooo, it won't hurt you." Engr. Van: "Afam!" Me: "😂😂😂😂 Sir!" Engr. Van: "Go and make me dinner." Me: "😂😂😂😂😂 Yes, sir! What would you like to eat?" On the Road Nurse Guy: "Both of you know your brother didn't have anything to do with your mother's death. He was with us upstairs there, in that penthouse. And also, he drove us from the hospital to this place." Oke: "Afam, I am sorry 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. I didn't know what came over me." Nurse Guy: "I am sorry, bro. We are far from his house. In the morning, you can go there and apologize." Chima: "Where is the cab taking us to?" Nurse Guy: "I told him to take us to your penthouse. Please, my place is far. Can I sleep at your place?" Chima: "Did I ask you to follow us? Driver, stop the cab, drop off." Driver: "Na him call me, na. Who will pay me?" Chima: "I'll pay you." Nurse Guy: "Okay, bye." Nurse guy was scared; he was left in the middle of nowhere. But to his surprise, a cab pulled over and gave him a lift. Nurse Guy: "Can you go to Okoko?" Driver 2: "Ahhh, that place far. Even if you pay, I won't go, it's too far." Nurse Guy: "Okay, take me to Yaba side." "Ahhh, what have I done helping people who don't need help? Ahh, I pray this one helps me." Knock, knock. Me: "Yes oh, how far?" Nurse Guy: "They threw me out of the cab." Me: "Really?" Nurse Guy: "Well, just Chima." Me: "Okay, just back to the boy's quarters." I didn't want Engr. to know, so I left him behind. He was still in his hospital uniform. Me: "Take a bath, there is hot water, and use my pajamas. I will wear something light to sleep. Have you eaten?" Nurse Guy: "I just needed a place to place my head till morning." Me: "It's fine, I will get you food." He ate, and I cleared it out, then locked the main house and bade him good night. When I came back, I bathed and got into bed to sleep. Nurse Guy: "So, you won't ask me why I did it?" Me: "Ask why you did what?" Nurse Guy: "Sleep with your brother." Me: "Oh, that. I do it too." Nurse Guy: "Seriously? 😳 You??? Do it??" Me: "I am not innocent, na." Nurse Guy: "But with girls, right?" Me: "I have f***ed a guy before." Nurse Guy: "What was your reason?" Me: "Pleasure." Nurse Guy: "I am the only one with a job that pays in my house. I have three elder ones and two younger ones, and I feed the house and pay the rent." "The hospital held my salary for at least two months, and I was late on rent. The landlord almost threw us out." "I am not saying I am new to the gay community, but I have never really had sex. Topped or bottomed." "But I had to do it with your brother when I heard him promise 50k, and that's exactly what I needed." "When he sent more than I requested, I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I just paid the bills and sent my mother some to buy food for the house. I am honestly tired." Me: "I want to understand something. So, you take care of food and rent at home; those who senior you eat from the food?" Nurse Guy: "They don't have good jobs." "When will you stop that?" Nurse Guy: "How? They are my family." Me: "But now you are sleeping outside because of work or going home late. My dear, work hard and work well too for yourself." Nurse Guy: "When your brother said he would be mine, I dreamt about him." Me: "Chima just started life in the gay world recently, so be careful." Nurse Guy: "Will you have me?" Me: "Eww, no. What for?" Nurse Guy: "For staying here?" Me: "Nope, just sleeping, and you are free." Nurse Guy: "I am a stranger." Me: "No, I know, it's my risk." Nurse Guy: "Thanks." At the Penthouse Chima: "Come, let's use the elevator." Oke: "I want to go back to Afam." Chima: "Tomorrow, it's already late." Oke: "😭😭😭😭😭😭 She is gone, she is gone! I am an orphan!" Chima: "Like the big bro I am, I am supposed to be crying here, not you." Oke: "I shouldn't have said those things to Afam. He is my blood." Chima: "I am your blood too." Oke: "I know." Oke hugs him. Chima: "I feel weird, you hugging me." Oke: "There is nothing there. It's your newfound activities that are disturbing your mental state." Chima: "I can't believe this is me." Oke: "You shouldn't have sent that boy away." Chima: "I'll call him tomorrow and apologize. I needed this night with you." Oke: "Why?" Chima: "You are my brother. What other reasons can there be?" At the New Hotel Ring, ring. Uncle Ike: "Yes?" Dr.: "Your wife passed away today, this night." Uncle Ike: "Have you informed her sons?" Dr.: "They were here earlier today." Uncle Ike: "That's all I needed to hear." Dr.: "She is in the morgue, and..." He cuts the call. Uncle Ike: "Stupid people." Two Days Later At the Engr's House Knock, knock. Me: "Yes?" . I saw Oke. I was quiet. He grabbed me and hugged me. Oke: "Forgive me. I was not myself that night..." Me: "It's fine." I kissed his lips. Oke: "So, you are not angry at me?" Me: "Remember what happened to me when I lost my mum? Yours is even better. Come in." Engr. Van came out. Oke knelt down. Engr. Van: "It's okay, get up. I understand." Joe: "Good day, sir." Me: "That's Joseph, his brother, the one we cleaned the room for the other day." Oke: "Welcome. Thank you so much. I heard what you did." Me: "Felix informed me of what's happening, and I took care of it. Besides, Uncle Santos has given me access to all the accounts, and the hotel is cleared to reopen." Oke: "What do you plan on doing?" Me: "Open the hotel." Oke: "But what about the other side of it?" Me: "It will be divided into two: straight and LGBT section." Oke: "Are you serious? So, you want to continue like him?" Me: "Nooooo, it's just going to be a comfort zone where people are free to sit and talk with girls or boys. Just somewhere people can find happiness." Oke: "Afam, are you fully going to be gay now?" Me: "😂😂😂😂😂😂 Nooooo. You don't understand. It's not like... it's not going to be anything like what Uncle ran before. It's going to be better. His own was for only guys who like guys. Mine would be for everyone: straight, gays, lesbians." Oke: "Why can't you leave it to be a normal hotel?" Me: "Where will I send Philip and the others to? They can't go on the street? And besides, it's not like they will be selling their bodies now." Oke: "What will they be doing?" Me: "Philip is going to be assistant manager. I went on LinkedIn and found a manager; she resumes tomorrow." Oke: "Wow, you are really ready for this." Me: "Azaman, Vic, and the rest are now stewards and waiters." Oke: "You are just giving them opportunity to sell their body." Me: "Which would not be inside the establishment but outside." Oke: "You are not helping them." Me: "Tell me, what should I have done?" Oke: "Ask them to go learn a trade or something." Me: "😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Imagine Philip, who has survived all his life from selling his hole, becoming a tailor." Oke: "It's not impossible." Me: "Chillax, I know, but I didn't set them up to use their bodies. I gave them those posts so that they can support families." Oke: "How?" Me: "Philip has been your friend longer than when I met him, and you didn't know his friends had children?" Oke: "😂😂😂😂😂 Like you are joking." Me: "No, I am not. 🤨" Oke: "😂 Common, don't be silly. 😜 Imagine Azaman being a father!" Me: "Oke, he has two boys, four and three years old." Oke: "😢😯 WTF! How did it... I mean, how?" Me: "Uhm, he is a man and has a working penis." Oke: "Azaman has breasts and walks like a girl. One day, he visited Philip, I almost had him when I saw him naked. He is practically a woman. Have you seen inside his body?" Me: "He fathered two boys, and also the others." Oke: "Ahhh, this life no balance, and I am here in trauma all this time. I had sex with countless girls, no one got pregnant with all my manliness." Me: "😂😂😂😂😂😂 And he did it just once or twice, and babies rush." Oke: "But what woman would want to sleep with a girly guy?" Me: "You know there are girls who like girls, right? So, to the girls, he must be another girl she is doing it with, and boom, she got pregnant." Oke: "Are you sure that's how it works?" Me: "Oga, no dey ask me nonsense. He is a father, accept it. Simple." Oke: "How prepared are you?" Me: "Eh, to be a father??" Oke: "Oh, not that. The court cases, it's starting soon." Me: "Is it not court we will go? I am not afraid. I am not guilty." Oke: "Be careful, he must have made a lot of traps." Me: "My enemies will fall into the traps they laid for me." Oke: "Good. Chima will come and beg you soon." Me: "Are you now living with him?" Oke: "You gave me a lot of money. I now stay in the house I got for Mama. Come stay with me. Leave the Engr. and his brother. Stop eating his small money. You are now wealthy." Me: "Oke, I am a small boy. I still need help and guidance. I can't rush to be an adult and make useless mistakes. Even when you think you can do all things, we still need guidance. Let me follow the normal train: graduate, serve, and start living alone." Oke: "I'll wait for you. If you don't come over, I'll come back here and stay with you." Me: "The three of us will stay." Oke: "Eh, who is the third person?" Me: "The nurse guy, Felix. He stays here now. It's closer to the hospital than his house in Okoko." Oke: "Why can't you rent him a house?" Me: "That would have been a silly mistake if I didn't have Engr.'s guidance. And listen, I know you are an adult, all grown and all. But you must admit that you need a bit of parenting too." Oke: "I know, but I can't burden the young man now. He needs a wife soon, and we need to leave him." Me: "He needs a wife when he wants to born. For now, he is having good sex." Oke: "Eh, from who?" Me: "I can't say." Oke: "Don't tell me he is doing you." Me: "Ahhh, Oke, do you think I will do that? But I like him. It's not bad, but it's not me, joor." Oke: "I heard Mum was supposed to testify against him, and now she is gone." Me: "I knew that he has a hand." Oke: "We will be careful." Me: "You are living alone in a big house. Just you. No neighbors, no gatemen, just you. In this type of world where your father roams free. If such can happen to your mother in the hospital, what about an empty house?" Oke: "Okay, I have heard you." Me: "One more thing." Oke: "What?" Me: "When last did you have sex?" Oke: "What? How is that important?" Me: "It will help you relax." Oke: "Well, who have you been doing it with?" Me: "One and only Charles." Oke: "Emm, okay. But I don't want a boy. I don't want to go through that route anymore." Me: "Okay, give me time. Philip will arrange something for us. And again, come tomorrow. He said he needs to tell us something. Also, ask Chima to come over." Oke: "Okay, good night." We hugged, and he left. At the Hospital Chima: "I am sorry, please forgive me." Nurse Guy: "Please go away." Chima: "What's that, your name?" Nurse Guy: "I told you many times, and you forget." Chima: "I am sorry, please." Nurse Guy: "Tell me the truth, what do you want: my friendship or my body?" Chima: "I want both." Nurse Guy: "So that when you get angry again, you will drop me in the middle of the road to nowhere at night, abi?" Chima: "Sorry, okay, let me give you a lift." And he enters his car. Chima: "Where do I take you to?" Nurse Guy: "Straight, take left." Chima: "You now stay this close to the island?? I thought your place was very far." Nurse Guy: "It is. That night you left me, I found someone who helped me and asked me to stay if I have early morning shifts so I can go to work easily." Chima: "The person just wants to f*** you." Nurse Guy: "I thought the same thing too, but I have bathed in his room, came out naked, slept on the same bed with him for days now, and he has not once touched me." Chima: "Ahh, he is straight." Nurse Guy: "I have seen his boyfriend come, and they kiss and do stuff, and he has not touched me. Very unusual for gay guys." Chima: "He must be stupid not to notice a real gem like you." Nurse Guy: "The point is that he is not forcing me to do anything, and I am not forcing him because it's normal." Chima: "That's not normal." Nurse Guy: "What's normal to you is abnormal to others." Chima: "How do you mean?" Nurse Guy: "If a guy more handsome than myself should sleep in your room, won't you touch him??" Chima: "I will." Nurse Guy: "I need you to understand that being gay or into guys is beyond sex. Not everything is about f***." "Stop me here." Chima: "This looks like Engr. Van's house. Wait, the guy that is housing you is Afam???" Nurse Guy: "Yes, and he hasn't touched me." Chima: "Shit, wait, don't go, wait!" He came down and left him in the car. I saw him and came out of the house and entered the same car. Chima: "Guy, I didn't plan on coming here to apologize today." Me: "So, I should get out of the car?" Chima: "No." He was trying so hard not to look at me. Me: "I like your car. I will get this type for myself." Chima: "Lol, you are rich now." Me: "Why are you avoiding me?" Chima: "I don't know, it's weird." Me: "😂😂 You lie. Let me tell you what's weird. You saw me naked, and ever since, you wanted me, but you are trying to use your emotions of hate to make me not appealing to your eyes, which is clearly not working." Chima: "Jeez, man, Afam, you are bad! I am getting hard here." Me: "I know. All you need to do is ask. You don't know if I will agree." Chima: "Common, we are blood cousins, it won't work." Me: "How many children does your father have, and what makes you think you haven't slept with one of his kids?" "Mind you, some guys now are trans women who became guys. You might have impregnated one, you don't know." Chima: "Ahh, Afam, wait, let me apologize for..." Me: "Save it. Just come tomorrow. Philip has something to tell us, with his mother." Chima: "I wonder what sort of news that could be." Me: "Whatever it is, just come." Chima: "Okay." I wanted to leave, he held me. Chima: "I am sorry." I gave him a hug and a kiss. Chima: "Wait, I need your help. This thing is eating me. I can't seem to go a day without having sex with a guy. I think I am crazy, I am going nuts." Me: "It's all in your head. What you need is a long rest, and you need to forgive yourself." "You must have forgotten that you were manhandled, and to hide that situation, your brain created a defense mechanism where you see your offender as a saint and doing you a favor, and now you share his wealth when actually you are still his pet and sex slave." Chima: "😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 How do I free myself?" Me: "Stop having sex. All the sex you are having is trying to fill a void that cannot be filled with sex but with forgiveness." "And who do you need to forgive? Just one person: yourself." He hugged me and cried in my arms inside the car. At La Casa Blanca Hotel Customer: "Good evening, sir." Philip: "Good evening." Customer: "As business don open, can I get those specials wey we dey get before?" Philip: "No, sir. Just drink, have fun. If you see who you like, ask them out. If they agree, okay. If not, find until you see. But for special boys kept, nah, we don't do that here." Customer: "But how will you make money?" Philip: "Buy food and drinks." Customer: "Shebi you know say your oga don open new joint, na there we dey go." Philip: "Bye bye." Customer: "Ah ah, it's like you don't want to make money." Philip: "I am making money that will not bring headache and curses to me." Azaman: "Manager, we need more drinks." Philip: "So the drinks will not last the night??" Azaman: "No, sir." Customer: "See baby boy, come make I suck small breasts na." He puts his mouth on Azaman's chest. Azaman slapped him. Azaman: "Be like say you dey mumu. You no see say I be chief waiter now." Customer: "Ah ah, so you don't serve your body again?" Azaman: "No, sir, I have closed that book since." Customer: "What's happening in this hotel? This is not the place we used to come to before." He runs away. Philip: "😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂" Vic: "Who dey pursue that one?" Azaman: "No mind idiot. He come dey suck my breasts." Vic: "Ah ah, na mumu be that ooo. He know no say levels don change." Philip: "My chief cashier." Vic: "You called me?" Philip: "Azaman needs more drinks." Vic: "Oya, call your boys to come and balance their books before I release money." Philip: "Ahh, my cashier." Azaman: "Just buy more drinks. It's already weekend. By Monday, when we have low customers, we balance the books." Vic: "You sure???" Azaman: "Why you come dey do like all those people wey dey cover book for exam hall?" Vic: "Na Afam go shout for my head. I no need am. If not for him, I for remember say I get ND for accounting?? I must make him proud, make he promote me go the main office. And he asked to continue HND, he will pay." Azaman: "As I dey now, I fit even go write WAEC again self." Philip: "😂😂😂😂😂 Ah ah, try na." Azaman: "School don tired me abeg, make my boys them go." Philip touched his dick and stroked it. Philip: "So, this thing produced those boys?" Azaman: "See your head, manager! I go break am ooo! 😂😂 Me and you don stop ashawo." Philip: "We fit dey do each other na. 😂😂😂😂😂" Oke went to the house he was alone no gate men no one he couldn't sleep in the house he called Afam Ring ring Me: hello Oke: I can't sleep Me: should I come and pick you up Oke: is that the solution?? Me: yes ooo Oke: come and sleep here with me Me: no way that's okay is a big house in a big man area I like here were neighbors are everywhere. Oke: hmmm ok I am coming Me: I will be outside waiting for you In 34mins he arrived It was almost 11pm Oke: so you are here good evening sir Engr van: it's a good thing you came here let's go inside He hugged me. As soon as we entered inside I grabbed him and carried him We where happy to have each other. The next day Chima called me crying that oke was dead Chima: ah ah ah 😭😭😭😭😭 I Me: what are you saying Chima: the house he is staying in is burnt to ashes I am there now. Me: jeez thank God he slept here with me he is right here I woke him up talk to Chima Oke: hello Chima: ahhhh ahhhhh God is good I will give my life to Christ Oke: what's happening?? Chima: the house you stay in is burnt to ashes I am there now. By Whiteman Michael Morals: Please don't force yourself to stay alone Human beings were made to stay in pairs and groups and not alone. Those who stay alone for too long develop some attitudes that are not human-like. Listen to your inner self, don't doubt your guts. Please 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 know when the burden is too much for you. Even if they are your blood relatives, share work evenly for all to carry, especially when you have people who can work and feed themselves. Reduce your burden; stop carrying too much. Please 🙏🙏🙏 stop punishing yourself with too much sex. Because someone touched you, and you haven't forgiven yourself since then. You start sleeping with so many people just to get something that you never get: a satisfaction that never comes. Stop it. Don't be quick to live the lives of adults; there are still so many things to learn from the old ones. It's not easy to stop old habits, especially sexual habits, even masturbating. But deep down inside yourself, you know the causes of these things. Too much porn makes you masturbate because your eyes have consumed something that your mind will like to act out. Too much porn makes you want to have sex because you have built a sexual tension in your blood. A forced sex can make you hate everyone or a particular set of people, thereby shutting yourself from the world. Because of your past life, you have refused to forgive yourself and move to the future. Forgiveness goes two ways: forgive your offender and yourself. Try to make life way easy and better for yourself. By Whiteman Michael