*Advice for Women with Frigidity Issues* *Garments for Each Other ©* *Tuesday, May 27th 2025* *The Silent Distance* Nadia had been married to Yusuf for two years. Their Nikaah had been beautiful, simple, and filled with barakah. They were compatible in so many ways—Deen-wise, values, and life goals. But there was one silent gap that continued to widen between them: Nadia’s deep discomfort and aversion to physical intimacy. From the very beginning, Nadia would feel tense, anxious, and withdrawn whenever Yusuf initiated closeness. She would make excuses—feeling tired, having a headache, or just not being in the mood. Yusuf, though gentle and respectful, began to feel unwanted. He didn’t understand what was wrong, and Nadia herself didn’t know how to explain it. She felt broken inside, ashamed, and confused. *Why couldn’t she desire the man she loved?* As the months passed, their emotional connection began to erode. Yusuf stopped trying, fearing rejection. He grew distant, spending more time at work or with friends. Nadia noticed the shift, but instead of confronting it, she buried herself in housework and religious duties, hoping her feelings would change with time. They didn’t. What do you think happened? Many women are frigid, but they shy away from seeking counseling and treatment. The first thing that happens in such cases is there is *emotional disconnect* between the spouses. Yusuf and Nadia began to live more like roommates than spouses. Conversations become limited to logistics, and shared laughter faded away. Nadia avoided him more and more, which made Yusuf feel rejected. The next thing that happened is that they started having *self esteem issues*. Yusuf began to doubt himself, wondering if he was unattractive or unworthy. Nadia, on the other hand, felt like a failure as a wife. The *unmet needs* of the couple drove both them towards frustratioin. : Both had emotional and physical needs that remained unfulfilled, leading to frustration, resentment, and sadness. Nadia felt shame, guilt and inadequacy whilst Yusuf felt anger and pain. Furthermore, the lack of intimacy— which is meant to be a source of love and mercy in marriage—caused both partners to feel *spiritually incomplete* Though Yusuf never mentioned it to Nadia, but the loneliness opened the door to temptations. He quietly began to consider other options or even separation. *Can Yusuf and Nadia be helped? Does this marriage have to end? NO,So What can be done?* 1. *Understand It’s a Real Condition:* Frigidity or Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder (FSIAD) is a recognized condition. It may be caused by trauma, anxiety, hormonal imbalances, psychological distress, past abuse, or negative beliefs about intimacy. Acknowledging the problem is the first step. 2. *Seek Help: women with frigidity need help.* Medical: Consult a gynecologist or endocrinologist to rule out hormonal or physiological causes. Some experts prescribe herbs and aphrodisiac foods to help with the frigidity. Certain Ayurvedic herbs help bring the desire in females. Spices like cinnamon and Gokshura are also helpful when taken in consultation with a herbal doctor. *Few Home Remedies for frigidity* : *Almonds*: Almonds are proven to be effective too Seven almonds according to some sages should be soaked in water overnight. The skin should be removed in the morning and it can be blended with milk like a paste or smoothie and mixed with a pinch of saffron and taken every morning . *Dates:* Dates are also an effective remedy for frigidity. Dates increase endurance and strength. Especially Ajwa dates can cure any other underlying factors too. *Drumsticks*: A soup prepared from drumstick flowers or leaves or even drumsticks in milk can help for frigidity. *Therapy*: A female Islamic therapist or psychologist can help explore underlying fears or past trauma. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is often effective. A step by step guide can be made to help overcome her aversion and fears. *Education:* Learn about intimacy from Islamic and professional sources to counter negative beliefs . 3. *Open Communication:* Talk to your husband with honesty and vulnerability. Let him know it’s not about him, and that you're working on healing. This builds trust and emotional safety. It helps if the husband understands your aversion as a medical or psychological condition and not as something personal. . 4. *Reconnect Emotionally First:* Emotional connection precedes physical desire for many women. Focus on spending quality time, gentle touch, and small moments of affection without pressure. 5. *Take It Slow*: Start with non-sexual intimacy—holding hands, hugs, kind words. Slowly work toward greater comfort without rushing. *Allah Ta’āla says*-: “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21) This verse reminds us that marriage is meant to be a source of sukoon (tranquility), mawaddah (love), and rahmah (mercy). Avoiding intimacy may harm thisbalance. The Prophet (sallal lahu alaihi wasallam ) said: “The most perfect of believers in faith are those best in character—and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi Sh) Husbands ought to be patient, kind, and emotionally attuned. A wife struggling with frigidity deserves support, not shame or pressure. Women should fulfil their husband's needs even with lack of or in the absence of desire. Another Hadith: “When a husband calls his wife to bed and she refuses and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her until morning.” (Bukhari Sh) While this Hadith emphasizes the seriousness of rejecting intimacy, it also implies that ongoing refusal can affect the harmony of marriage. It’s essential to seek help instead of avoiding the problem, Scholars agree that if a woman has a valid psychological or medical issue, she is not blameworthy—but she must still strive for healing. *Science-Based Advice*: *Mindfulness and Relaxation*: Practicing deep breathing, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation can reduce anxiety that maybe linked to intimacy. *Pelvic Floor Exercises (Kegels)*: These strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. *Healthy Lifestyle*: Sleep, nutrition, and exercise improve overall hormonal balance and emotional well-being. To any sister facing frigidity issues: You are not alone. Your struggle is real and valid. Islam is a religion of compassion and healing. *Seek help*, communicate, and make dua. Healing is a journey—and with Allah’s mercy, love can be restored, hearts can reconnect, and tranquility can be found once again. *“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.”* (Surah Ash-Sharh 94:6) *Garments for Each Other ©*