*When Love Meets Indifference : The Hidden Consequences of Male Impotence on Marriage* *Garments for Each Other ©* *The Grand Wedding That Led to Quiet Nights* Shakir and Abeda’s marriage began like a dream. Both were good looking , educated, and admired by everyone. Their wedding was lavish, their match praised by family and friends alike. But behind the shimmering curtains of “wow”, a silent storm was brewing. In the initial days of their marriage, Abeda noticed Shakir avoided intimacy. She assumed he was shy or practicing self-control. Later, she noticed he avoided her when she was alone. He stopped entering the bedroom in the day time. She thought he is probably getting used to the new life. But weeks passed, and nothing changed. One day when the whole family was out on an outing, Shakir pointed towards a sculpture of a woman and said something immodest whilst pointing towards it to his cousin's wife, who laughed loudly. Abeda found this very disgusting. Like a man who practices self control with his wife, why would he act so indecent in front of other women? What was he trying to prove? Shakir began immersing himself in work, leaving home before dawn and returning past midnight. Their emotional and physical connection never deepened. They were married, but Abeda was alone. When Abeda gently tried to initiate intimacy, Shakir pushed her away. And when she attempted to address the growing distance and her unfulfilled desires, he initially tried to assure her that a marriage can be successful and fulfilling without any physical intimacy. Abeda felt that was not true. She gave him some time before iniating physical intimacy again but this time he harshly pushed her from him and turned the blame onto her. “You have a problem, not me. I feel repulsed by your odour ” “You need medical help. I’ll take you to a doctor—and a moulana. Something’s wrong with you.” “Shakir, which problem and which odour? You haven't touched me since we got married! I feel so down… so unworthy.Am I not attractive? “ “You’re clearly going bezerk... That’s what’s affecting us.” “No, Shakir!! “Abeda explained. “ I need you… Shakir. We can make it work” “Have you seen the way you dress? You are a put off! Every thing about you puts me off!! *Shakir exclaimed and barged out. But Abeda wasn’t going bezerk. She was confused, hurt, and emotionally starved. What began as longing turned into sorrow and eventually humiliation. She was a loving wife, ready to nurture their bond. But she was constantly made to feel that she was flawed, demanding, and broken. All while the real issue—Shakir’s erectile dysfunction—remained buried beneath layers of ego and denial. *The Turning Point: Lies and the Final Blow* When the emotional tension became too heavy to bear, a mutual family meeting was arranged. Abeda entered the meeting with hope—that things could finally be brought into the open and healing could begin. But what she heard shattered her. Shakir, instead of telling the truth, fabricated a story to his parents and relatives. He claimed: “I can no longer cope. She’s too demanding.” “She insults me, she’s never satisfied.” “She’s made this marriage unbearable. I’m done with her.” “Her parents betrayed us, they didn't tell us their daughter was emotionally dysregulated . I can't deal with this anymore!! “ Abeda sat there, speechless, blindsided by betrayal. The man who had been emotionally distant now painted her as the villain. His dishonesty turned the tide of sympathy and understanding away from her. What followed was an eruption of hurtful accusations, yelling, and deep pain. The marriage—once filled with promise—ended in bitterness. A marriage that could have thrived, a marriage that had a chance, was destroyed not by the problem itself, but by the refusal to face it. *The Unspoken Pain of Erectile Dysfunction in Marriage* Erectile dysfunction (ED) is more common than people think, especially with rising stress, lifestyle changes, and health conditions. Yet, it remains a *taboo topic*—shrouded in shame, secrecy, and silence. In the modern times Erectile Dysfunction and impotency both are treatable. *How Men Often React:* ▪️Denial and secrecy ▪️Blaming their wife to avoid shame ▪️Emotional detachment ▪️Overcompensation through busyness or anger ▪️Fear of being judged as “less manly” ▪️Flirting with other women to prove themselves *Impact on Women:* ▪️Emotional confusion and low self-worth ▪️Unmet physical and emotional needs ▪️Guilt and shame without cause ▪️Feeling unloved and gaslit ▪️Humiliation in front of family or community ▪️Feeling rejected *Path to Healing:* Medical, Psychological & Islamic Guidance: 1. *Medical Solutions:* Seek professional help: ED is often caused by physical issues like diabetes, hypertension, or hormonal imbalance. Acknowledge the problem and seek professional help. . *Medication: There are certain FDA-approved* treatments which can be used under professional and medical guidance. These have been used by many men who were eager to save their marriages and have saved them. *Therapies and interventions*: Including counseling, pelvic exercises, and treatment of underlying medical conditions can also be sought. . 2. *Psychological Support*: *Therapy:* Sometimes it takes more than just medicat treatment. Those with impotency issues or ED need thorough therapy where the shame, past trauma, or performance anxiety is addressed and coping skills are taught. Where the walls of denial are brought down and facing the issue is taught. *Marriage counseling:* The couple might both need counseling and a safe space can be created where open discussion and emotional reconnection is built. Where the husband is encouraged to build his confidence and the wife is taught to be supportive and patient. *Masculinity reframed*: Men with these medical conditions can be taught to reframe their masculinity and taught that true strength lies in vulnerability, honesty, and empathy, not ego and denial. 3. *Seek treatment:* The Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah has not sent down a disease except that He has also sent down its cure.” (Bukhari) There are many herbs and fruits known to increase potency in men when taken after consultation with a professional. Pomegranate consumption as well as fresh and dry figs also improve the male strength required. *Intimacy is a right*: Islamically, both spouses have a right to marital intimacy and emotional closeness. *Avoid oppression* (zulm): Blaming or emotionally abusing one’s spouse is sinful. Being unkind and accusing the wife to hide one's underlying condition is oppression. *Honesty is half of healing*: Lying to family and defaming one’s spouse to protect ego is deeply unethical and harmful. Honesty is the road to healing and happiness. “Speak the truth, even if it is bitter.” – Prophet Muhammad ﷺ A Closing Reminder to Men: *Drop the Ego,* Pick Up the Responsibility Erectile dysfunction is not your fault. But refusing to deal with it, *blaming your wife, lying to your parents, and allowing a marriage to collapse over pride*—that is your responsibility. *Be brave*. *Acknowledge*. *Seek help*. *Heal*. To the women: If you are in Abeda’s shoes—know this: you are not weak, broken, or depressed. You were just unloved and unacknowledged, and that pain is real. Even whilst going through this difficult time choose to be kind and patient. *Marriages don’t break from problems—they break from silence. They break due to not acknowledging the problem. * Let us return to the Prophetic model of marriage: where *honesty*, *compassion*, and *healing* are the foundations—not ego and escape. “And We made between them love and mercy...” (Surah Ar-Rum: 21) *Choose mercy. Choose truth. Choose healing.* Because a marriage that could thrive, still can—if we dare to face the truth. *Garments for Each Other ©*