https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaAaOLH2ER6kEvA7av1H *Lost sheep* written by Mai Tanny 0783623403 Chapter 20 *Monalisa* Hana yakatanga kurova ndakatarisa gogo vaifonera Portia ndofunga kuti kana vaizonzwa zvaive zvaitika vaizodii. Ndakavhara maziso ndatombokanganwa kuti ndairwadziwa nemudumbu waiting kuti ndibvondorwe ndinzwe gogo voti," Ahh hoo, rega ndigonzwa kuti zvafamba sei tasvika kwachiremba kwacho. Haasi kutaura kana kudii, ave kungowira uyu. Hameno kuti apindwa nemweya upi umwe wako ufunge" ndikaona kuti anenge aive asina kutaura nekuda kwecalmness yaive nagogo. Vakatoenderera mberi voti," Ndichakufonera kuti tinenge tanzii" but I really wished kuti ndaizosvika kuchipatara kwacho ndafa hangu. Pain yandainzwa mudumbu was nothing compared to what I felt mumoyo nemupfungwa. My world had shattered nenyaya yandaive ndanzwa naPortia. Kufunga kuti ndaive ndave nechirwere plus nhumbu pamusoro kwaive kwaita kuti ndione kurarama kusisiri necessary. Ndizvo zvaive zvazondituma kutora mushonga wesora ndikanwa nekuti besides izvozvo I knew I couldn't face the world after nyika yese yave kuziva kuti ndakadanana naCourage. Zvivindi zvese zvandaive nazvo ndichimboudzana naCourage kuti Portia akaenda totorana ndaive ndisisina. Ndaive ndoona kuti ndaisazvida, the world would judge me and ndaive ndisisatode kuve naye Courage wacho. I hated him with passion ndichishaya kuti aive andiitirei hutsinye hwakadaro ndisina chandakamutadzira. Ndaiita kuita wonder how he had felt achirara neni knowing very well kuti aitondizadza chirwere. Mudumbu makambowedzera kusunga ndikayuwira gogo kwavekuti," Tave kutosvika Mona" ndokuzotanga kudemba voti," Asi izvo zvanga zvanyanya kudiiko nhai amaMoyo, manyanyoitwa sei zvekuda kutondisiya ndega? Mona unoda kuti ndiite sei nhai mwana wemwana wangu?" ndikayeredza misodzi ndichigomera. The way she looked so sad yaiita kuti nditowedzera kurwadziwa zvekuti ndakatonosvika paclinic paye misodzi ichingoyerera. Vakandibatirana nemuridzi wemota kupinda muclinic muye mandakasvika nekutanga kupopoterwa nemanurse. Ndakaisirwa 20 litres yemvura yandainzi ndaifanira kunwa and it was painful kuidutiriswa mvura iyoyo. Yakatanga kudzoka vachingoti ndikarutsa rutsa ndowedzera kupihwa imwe. Ndazopedza kuipihwa vakabva vanzi vasimudzire neni kuenda kuhospital chaiko kwaive nachiremba. Ndaive ndarukutika nekurutsa kuye kwave kusvika ndichitoadmittwa. Vakatangazve nekunditarisa mudumbu macho to check the damage that had been done nemushonga wandaive ndanwa. Ndakabva ndamborara waiting for the results kwave kuzomutswa nagogo vaiti, " Nhumbu chaiyo doctor?" vakanzi," Ehe, zviri kuratidza kuti akazvitakura. Mushonga hauna damage yakanyanya yawamboita paari and we are hoping it's the same for mwana. For now heartbeat yako iri right chaizvo asi tichada kutombosara naye tione kuti zvakanyatsomira sei. Ndakaramba ndakavhara maziso wishing I had died kwakunzwa gogo vachitura zibefu nekubva vati," Mwana waMorris achandiuraisa chete, nhumbu? Saka iyo nhumbu ndiyo yaanga oda kufira?" doctor vaye vakati," Zvichida mukomana wacho aramba" vakati," Asi ka iye pavaiita zvavaiita aiziva kuti zvinogona kuguma zvave kumimba zve. Uone ndanga ndiri kuchengeta mari izvozvi kuti aende kuUniversity. Inherera paari ipapa, mwana wemwana wangu wandiri kutovavarira kuti adzidzewo aite munhu anoverengwa pane vamwe." Vaive vototaura nhuna dzavo ini ndakangotsinzinya zvangu kunge ndakarara doctor vaye ndokuzoti," Vana vanodissapointer gogo but take it easy on yourself nepamuri zvese. We don't want you to end up BP yakwira mave murwere and iye wacho kunwa mushonga ikoku yave regret nekutoziva kuti ndarwadzisa gogo. Tichazamawo kutaura naye tonzwa dambudziko rake kuti riripapi then mozoita way forward" Vakatura mafemo ndokuti," Waita hako mwanangu" vakanzi," Izvezvi imbonozororai henyu muoffice mangu handiti mamuona? Monogara imomo pasofa, ndinouyako manje manje so timbosiya musikana azorore" ndikanzwa kuzvuva kwavo makumbo vobuda. I thought kuti ndaive ndambopona zvenguva iyoyo but doctor vaye vakabva vati," Mukai henyu mainini, vabuda gogo hapasisina need yekunyepera kurara" ndikaona kuti ndaive ndatobatwa. I opened them slowly vakati," Warwadzisa gogo Portia, getting pregnant was enough but trying to kill yourself? Wanga uchifungei? Zvanyanyodii?" vachitozvuva chair and I sniffed ndikati," Ndakazadzwa Aids" vakati," What?" ndikati," Mukomana wangu anga ari positive asingandiudze, I found out today kuti he is positive." vakati," Ahh, watotestwa?" and I shook my head vakati," Totanga tambotesta first, unogona usina if he was taking his meds zvakanaka but still chero ukatonzi unayo. It's not the end of the world, unozvara mwana wako asina and you can sue munhu iyeye nekuti kuzadza munhu chirwere intentionally imhosva." I sniffed kwakuti," Nditestei" moyo wati nyevenu nekufunga kuti pamwe ndaive ndisina. Vakasheedza nurse kuti vauye nekit dzacho but just like Portia had said ndaive ndatove positive. Ndakaibararadza mhere yakadzosa gogo and the doctor had to tell gogo everything zvese nekuti munhu iyeye aifanira kutosungwa. Ndakaona malips avo achibvunda so vakati," Ndiani iyeye?" ndikati," Ndibaba Angie" pasi pasi She frowned ndokuti," Baba Angie vapi? Vekumba kwedu? Murume weshamwari yako?" and I nodded slowly as I saw the doctor getting shocked wo gogo ndokuti," Monalisa! Monalisa! Zvino ini handipindire dzekusungisana kwenyu, munonopedzerana kumba0783623403 kwenyu ikoko. Uchibuda muno wonanga kumurume wako nekuti uri kambwa" *Portia* Ndaive ndakagara ndakagumbata mind yangu iri kure kure ndakangoyeva madziro as I heard Karen explain nyaya yaCourage kunababa panze. Zvimwe ndainzwa but zvimwe zvaingorovera panzeve, chandakazongonyatsonzwa ndibaba vakati," Courage ane mweya here? Manje pano handichada kana kumuona" nekuzowedzera nekumwe kupopota kwandaisamboteerera. Mumba vakazopinda vachiri kupopota kwave kunditi," Hanziiko nemukomana uyu nhai ambuya" and all I said was," Ini zvaCourage baba handisisinei nazvo" and ndaitorevesa. Stress yandaive nayo apa yaive yaambuya vaMona vaive vafona vachiti anwa mushonga. I had said everything I had said to her to spite and hurt her but zvekuti azozviuraya wasn't in my plan. I didn't think I would be able to live with the guilt if she died and ndizvo zvaive zvotondishungurudza. Zvaitotaurwa nadaddy ndaisave nebasa nazvo kana mbijana and Courage wacho wavaipopotera haana kutodzoka kumba musi iwoyu. Hameno kuti aive atoenda kunoona adzimai here and handina kana kuda kunzwa nezvake. Vamwe vangu vakazenge voratidza kakunetsekana nekusadzoka kwake hasha dzaserera asi ini handina kana paiti n'en'enu. Ndaive ndotofunga kwekuenda zvangu nekuti nyaya yaMona yaive yandiratidza kuti naCourage panga pasina future and he would never change. Kwedu kumba ndaitoziva kuti yaive non starter, ukuwo kwatete ndichiziva kuti ndaizongonzi shinga which was why I hadn't told her anything asi ndainzwa kuti ndaive ndofanira kubva pamba apa. Ndakafunga ndafungazve kwave kuona kuenda kwaambuya vangu kumusha chaiko kunamama vadaddy itoriyo plan. Ndaizonovachemera nekudemba kuti vazondikumbirirawo kunadaddy nekufamba kwenguva asi panguva iyi ndambowana pekuisa musoro nevana vangu. Sezvo ndaive muenzi apa hembe zhinji dzaitove mubag so handina kumboita need yekurongedza. Ndakatongomuka nekutora vana vangu umwe kwave kubereka nebabhu kumberi umwe kwave kuisa kumusana apa tisina kana kugeza. Angie ndakabata ruoko pashoulder kwave kuisa rino zibag randaive ndazopakira zvinhu zvevama vangu rairema zvekuti huya hande. I sniffed nguva idzodzo ndichibva ndanzwa inenge noise panze, ndakamboisa bag papassage kwave kuteerera ndikanzwa," Ndipo mai Manu pinda" kwakufamba ndoenda kudining kwaive nanababa. Vaive vakatogara vachibva vavhunduka nekubereka vana kwangu. Pavakati," Kwakanaka ambuya?" I couldn't even answer him door ranokwa tete vaMona nabamunini vake, iye Mona wacho nagogo vachitopinda. Ndakatarisa kwavaive Mona achibva atarisa pasi bamunini vacho vachiti, " Ndipo panowanikwa Courage here pano? Tamuvigira mukadzi wake uyu, ane nhumbu neHIV yaakapihwa naCourage iyeye" vanhu kwave kutanga kuita zhowe zhowe. Yenhumbu yaitove inyowani kwandiri and yakaita kuti ndibva ndangodzokerera bag rangu naAngie telling myself kuti nommatter what circumstances I was done with Courage. Kurema kwaiita zvandaive ndakatakura ndiko kurema kwaive muhana mangu ndichibva ndanobuda nekudoor rekuseri ndisina kana kuoneka kwave kufambisa ndakananga kugate without looking back. end of chapter