All these social media influencers will just be deceiving themselves. Every time, “You’ve never really dated until you’ve dated a white woman.” Or, “Nigerian girls have traumatized us. Try oyibo babes and experience true love.” Even one popular Sir on Twitter won’t let us breathe. Every-time, “Until you date a white woman, you’ll never know what it means to be loved, bla bla bla But when it’s time for wedding, it’s Ada or Temi they will marry. If oyibo love sweet like sugar, why dem no carry am go altar? Anyways, I said I should follow their advice and decided to date oyibo. That’s how as soon as I landed America, I blocked all my Naija babes for this white babe I met on an online dating app Her name is Candy Fox, and mehn she fine sha. She doesn’t have yansh or brezz like our babes but she be complete vibe She was different, I’m not gonna lie. No billing, no urgent 2k or money for airtime. We’d go to a fancy restaurant to eat, and we’ll split the bill 50/50, shopping, she pays her own, I pay my own, no judgment! In fact, that week we met was her birthday. I bought her flowers and card, paper card o. This girl cried tears of joy and jumped on me like I had given her a diamond ring. Hugging and kissing me for paper and flower She even read the card out loud to her friends, and they were clapping. Something ChatGPT help me write. That night she knack me like no Calabar girl has ever knacked me and sucked me like overripe mango. True true these influencers know wetin them deh talk. These Oyinbo women no dey stress person at all. Until one week later… Candy Fox invited me over. Immediately I entered, we started kissing aggressively and ripping our clothes off like Hollywood film. True true oyibo women like segz pass religion. Knacking na nothing for them. In two seconds we were naked and on the bed. My preeq don rise and was just nodding back and front like Ronaldo Next thing, she stopped and said, “Lick my feet.” I looked at the feet, very clean and sezy. I lick. She say, “Suck my fingers.” Her fingers are manicured and sweet. So, I suck. She say, “Lick my ears.” I lick. She say, “Bite my armpit.” Haba. I first sniff… e smell nice. I bite small. She say, “my belly button too.” I smile, I lick her navel for some minutes than I start I started widening her legs so I can penetrate before she’ll say lick my eye but she turned and set doggy style for me Cheeee!!! I smiled and started adjusting my preeq like a responsible man. She say, “No, sugar, not yet. I’m not done with your tongue. You gonna use it some more” I smiled, thinking I know what she wants.” I said, “Okay baby, turn and spread your legs.” She say, No… I should come and lick her anvs. I froze. You say? I should lick your gini? She said she doesn’t know what ‘gini’ is but I should hurry up and lick her anvs. She was still setting doggy and looking at me with one Yeye smile “Wait Ma, I should lick your anvs, as in your yansh, where sheet dey come out from?” I repeated She said, “Ma? Gosh, you’re so funny. I don’t know what most of that means, but yes, bring your tongue over here and lick my anvs. My ex used to love swallowing my dump he said it tastes super nice. I hope you’re ready too cos I love it when my men eat my…. “Bleeeeergggghhh!” I vomitted all over the bed My preeq soft immediately “Ahhhh!!! WITCH!!! AMUSU!!!” I shouted That was it. I stood up, put on my clothes, and ran out from that coven and never returned. Make me, a whole African man, Igbo man, lick woman yansh? chop her sheet? Whether white, yellow, red, pink or black, Yansh na yansh! Yansh wey dem no deh wash well, because I hear say oyibo no deh Baff. Alueme! Abomination! Aluuu!!! Naija girls, please, I’m sorry. Ediddiong, Shola, Titi, Adaobi, Ifunaya, all the babes I dumped and blocked because of oyibo, abeg forgive me. Take me back, abeg! The End Ajebo Writer ©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne