I got tired of dating all these “What do you bring to the table… I am the table” girls. Girls that love taking beautiful pictures in planes and hotels of different countries with no career to show for it After I broke up with my last girlfriend because she was always flying to Dubai meanwhile na wig and thrift she deh sell. Where you see money deh enter plane go Dubai every month and what is happening there? She said it’s business. Which Yeye business. Do you sell gold? Because the hair you’re selling and thrift, it’s my money you used to start and e never blow like that. After I warned her not to travel again, this girl agreed only for me to see her on her way to Dubai again on WhatsApp. I broke up with her before her plane touched down, and few seconds later she updated her WhatsApp. “Broke boys be trying to keep a Queen down with poverty. I was pained o. But I won’t give up on love. I decided to try these natural girls from good backgrounds and Christian upbringing. That’s how I found Abosede Babajide. From Ibadan. A Secondary school Food and Nutrition teacher She doesn’t have TikTok or Instagram account only WhatsApp and Facebook. I checked her Facebook, and her last picture was 6 years ago! Chai! God had finally answered my prayers. I asked her out immediately and she accepted. This babe was perfect! She would come to my house with her own transport, branch market, cook soup, stew, and boil rice. Later, at night she would give me all kinds of style from cow girl style, to Bend Low, Collect Your Glory, doggy, lift and carry, wheelbarrow, good old fashioned missionary, etc. and she can scream eh, like someone that is being strangled Every morning my neighbors will be hailing me. I had to start playing loud music at night before I will use pillow to kpai somebody’s daughter because I’m trying to block her screams One day, I wanted to host my guys, so I sent her plenty money to cook fried rice and chicken. Rich fried rice o! Even added extra money make nothing for spoil I closed early that day and decided to check in on my babe, just to surprise her. As I entered the kitchen, I saw her swearing angrily and sucking something that looked like crayfish. She heard my footsteps, and quickly threw it away. My eyes followed the thing she threw. It was a dead cockroach. “Wait wait wait, wh-What is that?” I stammered in disbelief “Okomi, imagine o! Cockroach just fell inside the food after I finished cooking! 30,000 naira food! I don’t know about this your house o, you need to spray insecticide. Too main insects.” “Wait… wait… Cockroach?? That was cockroach you were sucking?” “Na small thing nah. It’s the soup I’m sucking make your money no waste” “Jesus, na small thing? “Instead of throwing the food away, you are sucking the cock…mbeeehh!” I almost vomitted She laughed and held her stomach “See this Ajebo Baby. Throw what away? 30k just like that, because of small cockroach?” “AHHH!” I screamed “Calm down na. So, if you had seen what fell inside the pot of soup I made for you last weekend, what would you have done?” “JESUS!! What fell inside??” “Wall gecko.” “Yeee!!!” Well, I’m single again and I’m going back to instagram and TikTok baddies. Please all those girls that bring themselves to the table, please come, come to my table, because me and good girls, never again! I need slay queens and baddies! The End Ajebo Writer ©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne