I don't understand how some men show kindness and compassion to everyone outside but have a different face with their families? The worst type of man is the one whom everyone thinks is a good man but at home he is a harsh tyrant. Isn't your family the one who deserves your warmth and mercy the most? Masculinity does not mean to be harsh and never smile with your wife and children. Qawwama does not mean rule with iron fist. You need to know how to balance. You give love, mercy and compassion as much as humanily possible, you provide, protect and keep them safe (and Allah is the only true source of safety). Be playful with your family without losing respect and when it matters, be a man. Balance is knowing when to put your foot on the gas pedal and when to put your foot on the break. And when you do put your foot on the break, your family will know that your decision has been made. It was narrated on the authority of Ibraaheem ibn Daazeel, from Abu Huthayfah, from Ath-Thawri, from his father, from Ibraaheem At-Tameemi, that ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allah be pleased with him, said; "A man should be like a child with his wife, but if he is needed, he acts like a man.’” [Al-Mujaalasah wa Jawaahir Al-‘Ilm] Ad-Deenawari (Maliki hadith scholar).